Shelter Without Walls
by fanotheboyz
Summary: Mac's suffering from nightmares. Jack knows something isn't right and finds a way to get him to a safe place to figure it out. Major H/C mostly wrecked Mac, caring/fatherly Jack. Chapters 5 , 18K , Rated T for one mild sexual situation in a dream. Nothing graphic.
1. Prologue

A/N: This is my first fanfic story, so please read and review and be kind! Constructive comments welcome! Admittedly, this is heavy on fluff, short on plot, occasionally OOC, but it's my 'training wheel' story, so, if you're inclined to have me write another, I'll definitely be heavier into the plot! I'll post 2 chapters now, and if folks like it, I'll post the rest one at a time. Thanks to the amazing Kelcor for hand-holding me through this, for all the time, support and encouragement, and beta reading!

"Sometimes our walls exist just to see who has the strength to knock them down." _Darnell Lamont Walker_

Prologue

 _This takes place after the season finale and prior to Mac's search for his dad…..squeezed a little time in there!_

Jack tapped on the closed door to Matty's office. He didn't want to be there, but he had to do this, didn't he? He took a deep breath and hoped it was the right decision.

"Come in," Matty called. She addressed her agent curtly as he opened the door and stepped into her office. "So, Jack, I can't even imagine what would bring you to my office willingly. This must be important." She closed her laptop, folded her hands on it, and turned her full attention to her agent.

"Matty, I need to talk to you," Jack began, as he sat in one of the chairs in front of her desk. "It's about Mac." He massaged his forehead with one hand and leaned forward, his other elbow on her desk.

"What's up with Baby Einstein?"

Matty's expression was a bit sarcastic. Maybe there was a slight eye roll. Jack wasn't quite sure. She was always accusing Jack of being overprotective of the kid. He was used to that. Everyone seemed to think that he was hypervigillant about his team, but especially when it came to Mac. They weren't wrong. But he needed Matty to take him seriously. "I think Mac's in trouble and I need your help," Jack said.

"I'm listening," Matty rocked back in her desk chair, "What's he gotten himself into?"

"It's not that," Jack shook his head. "Look, I don't like this. I don't like coming to you behind his back. I can't elaborate too much, but I need you to come up with a reason to get us out of here for a week, just him and me." He hoped his face impressed how serious he felt this was. "It's important. I'm _concerned_. I don't like some… signs I'm seeing. I think the stress is building up and he needs a little time away."

"What exactly are you concerned about, Jack? What are you seeing? What's he doing? Maybe I should pull him from the field until he can have a thorough.."

" _NO!"_ Jack nearly yelled, raking a hand over his short hair and trying to control his voice. He clarified, "No, Matty, that's exactly what I don't want to happen. And he's not _doing_ anything. Problem is that he holds it together too well. He'd never fall apart on a mission. My concern is the toll it's taking on him to keep up the 'calm and competent agent' exterior. All of the betrayals, from Nikki to Patricia, then Murdoc and Tennent messing with him about how they know something about his father, have got to be weighing on him. I don't really know what all is going on in his head, but somethin's messing with him, I can tell you that."

Jack stopped to gauge Matty's expression. She was nodding sympathetically, so he proposed his plan, "Look, find an excuse to get us out of here for a week. My dad had a cabin on a lake up North. I haven't been there in years, but it'd be a good place to get away. Give me a chance to get through to him, ok? _Please_?"

Matty studied the agent in front of her; considered how reliable he was when it came to all things 'Mac-related,' and decided a week wasn't too much to ask. "Ok, Jack. Give me a few hours to come up with something and I'll get back to you. You'll have your week. But, if you notice anything you think would make our boy genius anything less than 'field ready,' you need to let me know before you get back! Got it?"

Jack nodded. He really hoped it wouldn't come to that. He'd hate to feel like he was turning the kid in to be head-shrunk, but he'd hate it worse if he got himself or someone else hurt or killed, so he agreed. God, he hoped the week away would be enough, and that Matty would come up with a plan the kid wouldn't see through.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

When the GTO pulled up the next afternoon, Mac was waiting at the door with his backpack, adding it to the pile on the porch- fishing poles, tackle box, stuff sack containing a sleeping bag, and a tool box. He had told Jack he'd help make repairs to his dad's cabin and Jack asked him to come prepared to both work and relax, so he was trying to comply. He was still a little suspicious at how this came up so quickly, but Matty had seemed sincere in her apology and in her offer of the week off.

Apparently, she had just realized that neither Mac nor Jack had taken enough vacation in the last two years and they were about to lose some days if they didn't take them. Mac questioned it because they had been off a lot to recover from injuries, but Matty assured him that didn't count toward vacation. She asked them to take off as soon as possible, especially since repairs to the Phoenix building were still underway, so this week worked best. Jack called him shortly after with the offer of spending the week at his dad's cabin.

Mac had agreed to go, despite his reservations. Sure, he'd enjoy some time off and even spending time with Jack could be a lot of fun, but recently, he'd felt Jack scrutinizing him and he felt the need to evade his partner's prying into his mental state. Not that his mental state wasn't a cause for concern. Mac was tired-exhausted, actually. For weeks, maybe longer, he'd not been sleeping well, or if he had to admit, even _less_ well than his norm. His dreams (if you could call panic-inducing, heart-pounding, lucid night terrors, _dreams_ ) disturbed his sleep more than usual. He hoped getting away and having something else to focus on, a change of scenery, even, might help.

He did not want to have to explain it to Jack. His partner had an uncanny way of slipping past his defenses, and if he wasn't careful, that's exactly what would happen. But it couldn't happen. Mac didn't want to go there…couldn't go there. Jack would want him to talk about it and that would probably make it all worse. If he could just focus on relaxing, working on the cabin, and try to avoid sending any red flags up that Jack would pounce on, the week might be just what he needed.

"Hey Bud!" Jack called, getting out of the car and opening the trunk. He spared a quick glance at the pile on the porch. "Good thing we're taking your Jeep!"

Mac waved and flashed a smile. "Jack," he said by way of greeting. "You stopped for food?"

"That I did, Partner! We got cold cuts, veggies, meat for the grill…."

Mac listened to the entire litany of breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack items, beverages, and the details of Jack's excursion to the food store. Smiling to himself and shaking his head, he helped Jack load the cooler and put everything in the back of the Jeep.

"I guess whatever we don't have, we can get at the general store. We'll have to see how well-stocked the cabin is when we get there. I hope the boat still floats. I'm lookin' forward to some fishin' and, by the looks of it, you are too!" Jack seemed excited for the trip and Mac relaxed a little, pleased that the focus wasn't on him- for now, anyway.

Mac pulled out of the drive and guided the Jeep onto the highway while Jack manned the tunes. Soon they were engaged in their usual banter over music, then which of the two had a better recipe to cook the fish they planned on catching, and the conversation drifted pleasantly from one subject to another. When they stopped for coffee and a bathroom break, Jack offered to drive and Mac, appreciating a break, conceded.

Jack had driven about 20 minutes and the car had gotten quiet, except for the radio. He stole a glance to the passenger seat, where Mac was sound asleep, head against the window. He smiled to himself, thinking that at least the kid would get in a few hours nap before they got to the cabin.

 _Mac felt his hands around Murdoc's neck, looking into the evil psychopath's eyes after he taunted him about his father's whereabouts. He couldn't bear that this maniac might know more about his father than he did; might have been watching him all along! He tightened his hands, and still Murdoc stared at him, choking with a smile on his face! It was as if he'd be happy if Mac killed him; as if, even in death, he'd have the upper hand. Mac felt his face grow hot, his whole body shake and finally, he realized he could never win this way against evil. He released his hands. "NO!" and pushed away from Murdoc._

Jack glanced worriedly at his sleeping passenger. He appeared agitated, as his body twitched and he mumbled incoherently. Just in case, Jack pulled to the side of the road, just in time for Mac to suddenly shout and wake with a start.

"Yo! Buddy! You ok?" Jack asked, placing a hand on Mac's left shoulder.

Mac opened his eyes to find the car stopped and Jack staring at him. The alarm in Jack's eyes told him it was as bad as he thought.

"Sorry, I was dreaming. Did I yell or say something?" Mac glanced at Jack and then out the window, self-consciously. "I mean, I'm ok. You can keep driving, Jack," MacGyver tried to sound confident, but it didn't sound convincing, even to him.

"I will. I just want to make sure you're ok first. Take a minute. We don't need to hurry; we're on vacation!" Jack reached behind the seat and pulled a cold water from one of the bags, cracking it open and handing it to Mac.

"Thanks," Mac mumbled, taking a sip. "I'm really ok now. Sorry."

Jack nodded and pulled back onto the highway, hoping they'd get to the cabin before any further incidents occurred. With this one, though, his fears about his partner's emotional state were confirmed. He was relieved to be getting him out of LA and away from Phoenix.

"Mac, Mac, buddy, wake up. We're here," Jack called as he lightly shook MacGyver's shoulder. The kid had drifted off again about 30 min before, and had remained quiet for the rest of the ride.

Mac took a deep breath and stretched, opening his eyes and sitting up, taking in the surroundings. They were on a gravel and dirt driveway to the right of an old cabin. Tall pines and mature oaks reached well into the sky around the building, shading it where it stood, tucked into the woods at the edge of the clearing. It appeared small, a window on either side of the center door, a porch across the front and an A-frame style roof over the one story.

Mac turned to the other side, smiling as he saw the lake, several hundred feet away. Near it stood an old wood picnic table and a stone fire pit. "Jack, this is beautiful!" Mac slowly unfolded himself from the passenger side and stood in the drive, taking in the site. It needed some work, by the looks of it, but the area was pristine and peaceful. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Jack got out of the car and leaned against the rear bumper, staring at the lake.

"Yeah, this place was a favorite of ours. Pop loved it. I haven't had the heart to come up here…not since he passed," Jack added. He hadn't expected to feel so nostalgic at the site of the cabin. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, he crossed his arms, and walked a few steps toward the lake, trying to get a hold of his emotions. He shook his head and thought to himself how he had brought Mac up here for his partner's mental health, and now, he was going to have to work through his own crap while they were here. _Well that's fair enough,_ he thought.

MacGyver watched his friend pace toward the lake, suddenly aware of Jack's discomfort and feeling a little out of his depth. Jack was usually the one to pick up on _his_ emotions and knew just what to say or do to help. Mac had little experience when things flowed in the opposite direction. He had a little " _what would Jack do_ " moment before he approached the older man and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you ok, Jack?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, man, I'm good. I guess I just didn't expect to feel this way, seeing the old place and all," Jack said, wiping a stray tear from just below one eye.

In that moment, Mac was glad he was there and realized that maybe Jack had another reason to ask him up here. He silently chided himself for his selfish suspicions that Jack invited him for the sole purpose of getting into his headspace. Maybe his friend needed the company to face his own painful memories.

As Jack stood there next to Mac, looking out over the lake, the same thought occurred to him.

They had put in a long day. After unpacking, they surveyed the cabin, taking note of what needed fixing, what supplies they'd need. The structure was solid, and mostly a good cleaning would do, but there were rotted boards on the porch and roof and the dock needed to be repaired. They set some order to the cabin, which was well stocked as far as cooking utensils, pots, pans, lanterns, and some outdoor equipment- then decided on a simple dinner out by the lake. There was a grill area of the fire pit and Jack used it to cook up some burgers. They sat down, relaxing and watching the birds on the lake as they ate.

"Pop and I used to do this all the time," Jack offered.

He seemed fine now, just remembering good times with his dad, so Mac felt comfortable enough to ask, "You have a lot of good memories of being here with your dad, huh?" He gave Jack a sideways glance.

"Yeah, I do. Used to fish out on the lake, cook up what we'd catch, sit around the fire at night. Had us some good times here, Mac."

Mac nodded. He wished he had been that close to his dad. He'd been fishing with him a few times, but it seemed Jack had a connection with his dad that Mac just couldn't relate to.

Without even thinking, he offered, "I don't remember having those kinds of times with my dad."

Jack glanced at him sideways, and in that moment, Mac knew he opened a door he hadn't meant to.

"What did you and your dad do?" Jack asked in as casual a tone as he could manage.

Mac looked out at the lake, really regretting this course of conversation but he tried to keep his tone light and still be truthful. "He worked a lot. When he was home, he tried to get me into sports, scouts…normal stuff, but I wasn't really interested. I guess we didn't really share common interests, you know?"

"I'm sorry about that, Bud." Jack said sincerely, starting to regret bringing up the topic.

The kindness in his voice hit Mac in a place that threatened to open an old wound. He gathered his plate and started to get up, getting ready to walk back to the house as he spoke, "It's ok, Jack. I don't mind if you need to talk about your dad. You don't have to feel bad about it."

Jack nodded his thanks. "Same goes for you, Bud. You know I'm here."

"Yeah, I know," Mac conceded quietly and turned, heading back to the house.

Mac got back to the cabin before Jack and tried to decide where he was going to sleep. There was only a small bedroom with two twin beds and a nightstand between. He didn't want to wake Jack if another nightmare threatened. The main room had a comfortable, deep couch in front of the fireplace and a medium size TV in the corner. Maybe he'd just fall asleep in front of the TV and let Jack have the bedroom. Set on that plan, he cleaned up his dinner dishes and started to gather wood from the outside woodpile for a fire, as Jack approached on his way back from the lake.

They sat watching an old rerun on one of the five available stations. It was a western and Jack was entertainingly engrossed, commenting on the action and plot, as MacGyver sat drinking a cup of tea. As the heat of the fire and the peaceful setting lulled him into a cozy and comfortable state, he struggled to keep his eyes open.

Jack got up and stretched, "Dude, I'm gonna hit the hay. Do you care which bed you sleep in?"

"I'm pretty comfortable here, Jack. I'm half asleep already. Maybe I'll come in later," he added.

Jack nodded, tossed him a blanket, and went to get ready for bed. It wasn't lost on him that his friend didn't want to sleep in the same room. He knew why, of course, so no offense was taken. He just hoped the kid would sleep and not wake with bad dreams. He reminded himself, as he crawled under the covers, to remain vigilant for sounds coming from the other room.

Jack was startled awake around two am. As he sat up and took in the surroundings, listening carefully, he heard…nothing. Something was up, though. He had that feeling and he had learned to trust it. He quietly got out of bed, glancing around the dark bedroom, which was lit only by moonlight coming through the window over the beds. Nothing.

He moved to the main room, observing that the TV was still on and Mac was asleep on the couch. He must have been restless, Jack thought, because the blanket that had been over him was on the floor next to his pillow and Mac was half hanging off the couch, one arm dangling to the floor. His face appeared tense and his eyes fluttered in REM sleep. Jack waited a moment, and when Mac stayed put, he tossed the blanket over the kid and sat in the rocker opposite the couch just in case.

He didn't have to wait long. As if trying to stop some tragedy from happening, Mac reached out, thrashing, calling out in his sleep.

" _No! Stop, please_! I'll do it! Just don't hurt them! _Please, stop_!" Tears ran down Mac's face as he pleaded with the enemy in his dream.

Jack got up and stood over his friend, gently calling his name but remaining safely out of his personal space. "Mac! Mac! Buddy, wake up!" As Mac snapped back to wakefulness, he came flying up to a sitting position, causing Jack to jump back a step.

"Woah, Bud! It's ok, just me. You were just dreaming, kid," Jack reassured. As MacGyver realized his surroundings, he hung his head and took a few deep breaths, dragging his hands through his hair. Jack moved slowly to kneel in front of MacGyver, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady him. He reached out gently to swipe away the tears running down his young friend's cheeks.

Mac startled, not realizing he had been crying, and quickly withdrew from Jack's touch, scrambling backward on the couch.

"I…I'm sorry, Jack." Mac's hands came up to wipe his face. He glanced at Jack and the look of concern almost broke him, forcing him to look away quickly. He couldn't do this. It was just a dream. "I'm ok now. Just a nightmare." He got up and went to the kitchen for a drink of water, leaning on the sink, his back to Jack.

Jack stood and followed him, turning his back to the sink and leaning on it so he could see Mac's face.

"Look, man," Jack began, "If anyone has reason to have nightmares, we do. I mean our line of work is a virtual nightmare factory. You know that it helps to talk about 'em sometimes, right? Kind of takes the sting out of them." Jack watched as Mac stared into the sink, his jaw working and face unreadable. The kid's hands shook against the sink. His face, flushed a few minutes before, was now pale. He looked like he might be sick. Jack waited, hoping the walls would fall and he could be of some comfort to his hurting friend.

Mac felt like Jack could see right through him in that moment. He fought against the feelings of dread and fear and helplessness that welled up in him in the wake of the too-real terror he just experienced. He pushed down the emotions that made him want to scream and fall apart. He just couldn't because if he did…He pulled himself away from those thoughts and schooled his features to be as normal as possible. He nodded, and forced himself to meet his friend's eyes.

"Thanks, Jack, I'll let you know if I want to talk about it, but not now, ok? I'm all right and being up here, having time to relax is going to help." Mac forced a small smile to his face, for Jack's sake, but it wasn't very convincing and he knew it. Still, Jack seemed to let it pass, for which MacGyver was eternally grateful.

"All right, Bud," Jack began quietly, still studying Mac's face and feeling helpless as hell. ' _So, walls back up then,'_ he thought, but what he said was "I'm here if you change your mind. You going back to bed?"

"Yeah, eventually. Maybe I'll just watch some more TV if it won't bother you."

"Won't bother me. How 'bout I watch with you for a while?" Jack offered.

"Sure, if you want to, but I'm ok, _really._ You can go to bed."

Jack, not wanting to make the kid uncomfortable, as much as he didn't want to leave him alone, reluctantly nodded and returned to the bedroom, calling over his shoulder, "Just call me if you need me, Kid."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Mac drifted in and out of sleep the rest of the night, intentionally or not, waking up each time he started to dream. He woke with a start when Jack came into the room a little after dawn. Recovering quickly, he nodded to Jack and got up, following the older man into the kitchen, where he sat at the table.

"Morning, Jack." He tried to sound cheerful, but he couldn't cover the exhaustion in his voice. He rubbed at his eyes and the back of his neck.

"Well, good morning yourself!" Jack greeted as he started the coffee. He turned to observe his young friend holding his neck and making a scrunchy face. "Couch wasn't kind to your neck?"

Mac just shook his head slightly. "Coffee, please?" was all he could manage.

They spent the day replacing boards on the porch. Mac enjoyed the distraction. It felt good to have a task and the tools to accomplish it, see it through to completion, which seemed to be lacking in his current position. Instead of a firm beginning, middle, and end to a job, his work…his life…they all seemed to be built on shifting sand. Nikki, the Organization, Murdoc—they all seemed to keep popping up. Agendas kept changing or at least the team's knowledge of their agendas did. Maybe, he thought, maybe this week, working on the cabin with Jack, might ground him. Maybe it would anchor his brain to the present and stop the nightmares and doubts that plagued him.

Jack kept a watchful eye on Mac, but from a safe distance, trying not to get in his personal space. He decided maybe an afternoon on the lake fishing might be relaxing for both of them. It was easier to talk out on the quiet lake. He always had the best conversations with his dad there. Even though the lake was wide open all around, being in the boat together had always felt like a private, almost intimate, setting. It's where he told his dad about wanting to join the army. It might be good for Mac, he thought.

When Jack proposed the idea of fishing, they were cleaning up from having sandwiches for lunch. Mac smiled and agreed that it was a fine idea, but inwardly, he worried that being out on the boat with Jack might make him a captive audience for Jack's scrutiny. What would he do if Jack pushed him about the nightmares? It wasn't like he could just dive off the boat and swim away! And to say anything at all risked opening that door. He feared it would all pour out, then, and that couldn't happen.

Jack was in his element, fishing on the lake. He dressed for the occasion in a fishing hat and vest with a bunch of lures stuck in them. Mac had genuinely laughed at the site as he came out of the cabin to join Mac on the porch.

"Jack, really?

"What's wrong with my fishing outfit?" Jack asked, feining insult.

"My grandfather had a hat and vest like that!" Mac chided, grinning and shaking his head.

"Then your grandfather had impeccable taste," Jack added, puffing out his chest and grinning as he turned around to model the outfit. "The vest is mine, but the hat….well, it was Pop's." Jack looked at Mac then, as if to gain his approval and Mac nodded, softening his mocking grin to a kinder smile. "Well, let's go, Kiddo, the fish are waiting and I hope to have seafood for dinner!" Jack picked up his fishing rod and headed toward the dock.

Mac trailed behind, trying not to seem reluctant. Hopefully the fish would be biting and not leave too much time for Jack's attention to be on him.

The first hour or so, they actually caught some fish and Mac was relieved to just have fun fishing with his best friend. Their banter was easy and light and everything seemed to Mac to be their normal. Except for feeling tired, Mac felt good. This was what he hoped the week would be like.

Jack was enjoying the afternoon. The fishing was good and the company, well, Jack always enjoyed being around Mac. He thought it must be what it was like to hang out with your little brother or even your son, and he hoped Mac felt the same. His mind flashed back to the time he spent with his own dad on the lake and now, he felt like the roles were reversed. He wondered how his dad would feel, seeing him spending this time with Mac like Jack used to with him. He suddenly missed his dad an awful lot and hadn't realized he was practically staring at Mac.

"Jack? Is something wrong?" Mac tipped his head slightly, observing Jack's sudden quiet and far away look, aimed in his direction. "Are you ok? Jack!" He raised his voice a little to get his friend's attention.

"Sorry, man…sorry. I guess I drifted off a minute. I was thinking about my old man." Mac nodded and Jack cleared his throat and continued. "I think he'd have been happy. Hell, I'll bet he _is_ happy just seeing us out here today, enjoying this lake. I never realized how important that time was." Then Jack looked at Mac and his voice took on an even more sincere tone, "Thanks for com'in up here with me, Bud. I had no idea how much I'd even missed it." Jack reached up to wipe a tear away, then, and suddenly a sob escaped and he had to breathe deeply to gain control of his emotions.

Mac silently admonished himself again for worrying that this week was all about him. He moved carefully in the boat until he was in the seat closest to Jack and reached a hand out to gently squeeze the back of his neck. Jack had done that for him so many times when he needed grounding and support, and it had always helped. He hoped returning that favor now was the right thing to do. He wasn't sure at first because the touch seemed to make Jack cry again, lowering his head into his hands and sobbing a few times.

"It's ok, Jack," Mac said gently. "It's ok to remember. It's ok to miss him. And…I'm glad I'm here, too." They sat like that for a few minutes and Mac kept his hand on Jack's neck while he regained his composure. He patted Jack's shoulder a few times, then, and asked, "You ok, Big Guy?" Jack nodded and turned his head to smile at Mac.

"Yeah, Man, I'm ok. Thanks. I don't know why that got to me so much. Sometimes, stuff about my dad comes up out of the blue and kind of takes my legs out from under me."

"Yeah, me too." BAM! It was out of his mouth before he realized it. Damn! He'd just opened that door another crack!

"Really? Like when?" He realized the kid's mis-step, too. Jack tried not to sound like he'd sprung some sort of trap, looking at Mac's suddenly almost panicked features.

"I don't know. Can't exactly remember, but it happens sometimes. Like at birthday parties or when I see kids with their dads, that kind of stuff." It was truthful, yet evasive and that was what Mac was going for. He hoped that would be the end of it.

"Dude, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to and I'm not prying, but it kinda feels good to let some of that stuff out once in a while. Maybe you should try it sometime. You know, like with a friend you trust," Jack left that hanging in the air.

 _Ouch_. That hit Mac in the gut. Did Jack think he didn't trust him? Or was it a ploy to get him to open up? Mac eyed his friend suspiciously.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Mac's face bore an incredulous look, almost angry.

"Sorry, Bud. It's ok, really. I know you trust me and I know it's just hard for you to say what you're feeling. It hurts a little sometimes, but I understand. I'm just saying that you can talk to me…about anything…if you want to. That's all. Now, how 'bout we get us another big fish for dinner and call it an afternoon, ok?" Jack slapped Mac's thigh lightly and turned his attention toward the lake once more, casting his line out.

Mac cast his line, too, still a little stunned. He looked over at Jack, then stared out at the water, trying to understand how holding his own feelings back had hurt his friend. He admonished himself silently for not realizing that Jack interpreted it as a lack of trust. Jack was the only one he actually did trust with his feelings; the only one he ever let through his defenses. He needed his friend to know that. It was just that as much as he trusted Jack, sharing his feelings made him feel vulnerable and he didn't like it. He didn't want to fall apart and he didn't know if he could talk about any of it without that happening…because it couldn't.

Suddenly, Jack heard a whisper that shattered the stillness of the lake more effectively than any scream ever could have. "He tortured you." Jack turned his attention to his young partner. He turned on his seat to face Mac, silently imploring him to go on.

"Who did, Bud?" He asked quietly.

"In my nightmare. Murdoc did. He was torturing you and Riley and Bozer." Mac took a deep, shaky breath. He couldn't look at Jack, not yet. "You were all hand-cuffed, being hoisted to the ceiling by your hands on these pulleys and I was screaming for him to stop." Mac's breath caught for a minute and Jack put a hand on his shoulder and nodded at him to go on.

"He wanted me to do a hit for him…be an assassin…for real this time… and I refused. He used you to get to me. The way you all looked at me…I finally gave in and screamed at him that I would do it. I told him I'd kill for him, Jack. That's when you woke me up." Mac felt the sting in his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose to stem the tears building there. He couldn't make himself say more…not now.

"It's ok, Mac. Just take a deep breath, Man." He patted Mac's shoulder reassuringly as the younger man fought for control. Jack realized he didn't want to have Mac lose it out here on the lake. ' _Baby steps'_ , he thought. "You did good, Brother. I'll just bet that you don't have that dream again, now that it's out in the open. It's all good, except I'm sorry if I guilted you into telling me. I didn't mean to do that. I am glad you put it out there, though."

Mac nodded, composed himself enough to look at Jack, and then explained, "Jack, I'm sorry. You're right, it is difficult for me to talk about this stuff, but it's not because I don't trust you. I never wanted you to think that, especially when the exact opposite is the truth." Mac continued to search Jack's face, needing to know his friend understood. Jack's accepting smile and nod were all he needed to be sure they were ok.

They enjoyed cooking and eating the fish they caught, grilling it up at the fire pit with vegetables and rice. Mac felt more relaxed than he'd been in a while. He had an appetite. They sipped on their beer and sat back in their chairs, laughing and talking. It felt like he and Jack had hit their stride again, their usual banter in place and no real need for any walls or guarding. He got up his nerve to broach the subject. "Jack? Can I ask you something?"

Jack looked at his partner, a little startled, but tried not to let that show on his face. "Of course, Bud. Anything."

"I know when we got back home…after Afghanistan…you had dreams. Nightmares, like I do," Mac began quietly, stealing a quick glance at his friend to guage his reaction. Jack nodded but didn't interrupt, so Mac continued, "What made them stop? I mean, what did you do, you know?" Mac swallowed hard, feeling like he might be starting a conversation he didn't want to finish. He just needed to know; needed hope he could get over this.

"There's no easy answer to that, Kiddo. Some nights I couldn't close my eyes. When I did, I'd wake up screaming…or worse. My family got me to see someone. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I didn't know what would hold me together if I did." Jack paused to look at Mac and fixed him with a knowing look.

Mac felt like his friend could see into his soul at that moment. He nodded and looked away, shifting uncomfortably. "What'd you do?" He asked quietly as he looked out at the lake.

"I took a leap of faith and decided that the risk of losing it couldn't be worse than trying to hold it together. I started talking. First about just my experiences, but eventually, about how I felt. I got help to get through all that pain and I found my way back. The nightmares mostly stopped. I get them when I'm really stressed; not too much more than most people, I guess." He sat up and smiled, and suddenly laughed, "And here I am, the picture of mental health and happiness you know and love today!"

Mac smiled despite himself and shook his head with an amused huff. "Why didn't you tell me about any of this?"

"Well, that might have been a mistake, but I wanted to be strong in front of you…in case you needed me. I needed you to know I could handle it. You were one of the reasons I needed to get myself together," Jack nodded as he looked at Mac, his eyes suspiciously glassy.

Mac just stared at his friend, incredulous at the lengths Jack would go to for him. "Jack…I…I didn't realize. I wish I'd known. You mean you went to therapy… _for me_?"

"Yeah, I did, Kiddo, but I also I went for me; I just didn't know it at first." Jack got up and picked up his dishes and headed back toward the cabin.

Mac sat for a few minutes, watching Jack and feeling completely amazed that he somehow managed to have Jack Dalton in his life. He wiped his eyes because they suddenly felt a little damp, and got up to follow his best friend.

Tonight, Jack decided to go to bed, but stay up until Mac fell asleep, then quietly go sleep in the main room in the chair, just in case the kid needed him again. About an hour after they went to bed, Jack opened his door and took a few moments to observe Mac's sleeping form on the couch. He seemed to be asleep. The smooth, even breaths, slight snore every few minutes, relaxed features, all let Jack know it was safe to resettle himself in the chair. He sat watching the kid's face, lit only by the dim moonlight coming from the window. Jack thought to himself how very young and innocent MacGyver looked in sleep. Oh, he knew Mac was capable and not so innocent, but just then, he looked so childlike, it got Jack's protective instincts going. He looked like….well, _a kid_ , no more than seventeen right then.

Mac was sleeping on his side, knees drawn up under a blanket. He'd gone to bed in sweat pants and a stretched and worn MIT tee shirt. Suddenly a soft whimper escaped his lips and Jack sat up straighter. This time, there was no thrashing or yelling, just soft agonizing whimpers that escaped his friend, and when he looked closely, a tear trickled down his face. Jack moved out of the chair and to his knees in front of his friend. At the risk of startling him, he carefully pushed back the kid's bangs and leaned down, sliding his arm under his neck, lifting the kid's upper body into his arms. Cradling Mac's head in the crook of his elbow, he drew the young man's face gently to his own chest.

The kid didn't wake, just cried softly and nuzzled into Jack's chest, unconsciously seeking comfort and breaking the older man's heart with every sob. Jack softly shushed him, gently carding his hand through the blond hair in front of him, holding him until he quieted. Mac finally stirred, turning a little, mumbling incoherently in his half-awake state. "What was that, Bud?" Jack whispered.

"Why did she have to _die_? _Why_?" He paused long enough to sniffle and swipe at his eyes. " _Please_ don't leave, Dad." Mac begged and he snuggled back into Jack's chest, shivering slightly and sniffing a little.

Jack froze and his breath caught in his chest, his own tears threatening when he heard ' _Dad_.' He could only hope Mac felt that way about him and couldn't help thinking, ' _If only_ …' but what he said was "I know, Buddy. I'm so sorry. It's gonna be ok. I gotcha. I'm not goin anywhere." He continued the whispered reassurances, holding Mac's head against him and absently stroking his hair. He waited a few minutes then lifted the younger man's head and shoulders enough to slide onto the couch and pull a pillow onto his lap, letting the sleeping MacGyver rest his head on it and resting his arm protectively over the his partner's shoulder.


	4. Chapter 3

When Mac awoke in the early morning, he reflexively stretched and his hand bumped into… _Jack_? He turned slightly and took in his position - his head on a pillow on Jack's lap, and Jack sleeping with his feet up on the coffee table in front of the couch. Jack's arm was still draped over MacGyver, but when he stretched, it had slipped from his shoulder to his chest. Embarrassment swept over him and he gently moved Jack's arm to extricate himself from the hold, sitting up and observing his friend. He couldn't remember when Jack had moved him or sat on the couch or _cuddled_ him. He couldn't remember _what_ happened. Did he have a nightmare? He hated not knowing. He let Jack sleep since there was no telling how long he'd been up, and gently got up to make coffee.

Jack stirred and realized Mac was gone. He sat up with a start, his eyes darting around to see if Mac was ok. When he realized he was just making coffee, he drew in a deep breath and tried to relax. "Yo, Bud, you ok?" he called.

"Yeah, Jack, I'm fine," Mac called back, but with no irritation at Jack's concern. He couldn't bring himself to be mad at Jack, no matter how mortified he was, since his friend had obviously tried to comfort him in some way and slept sitting on the couch. He made Jack's coffee the way he knew he liked it and brought it to him, not making eye contact as he handed it over and sat on the couch with his own mug, next to Jack.

Mac drew a deep breath, not sure he wanted to know the answer, and asked quietly, "What happened, Jack?" He kept his head down and didn't make eye contact.

Jack took a sip of coffee and considered his friend's slumped posture. He didn't like how defeated Mac looked. "Nothin' much, Bud. You were just mumbling and restless. I figured it might help if I sat by you, is all. You settled down and I fell asleep."

Mac nodded, not entirely sure he believed the offered explanation. "That's it?"

Jack evaded the question with one of his own. "Do you remember what you were dreaming about?" Seeing the slight alarm on Mac's face, Jack thought better of it. "Aw, nevermind, you probably wouldn't tell me anyway, would ya?" Jack added with a clap on his friend's thigh.

"I can tell you," Mac responded mildly, flashes of the dream returning to him now.

Jack was surprised, but leaned forward, sipping casually on his coffee, "Ok? Go ahead," he prompted.

"I remember dreaming about my mom and dad; about when she died. I was crying one night after it happened and my dad came into my room. He tried to make me feel better. That never happened, but it was nice in the dream, you know?" He risked a look at his friend, who just nodded. "That's it." Mac determined he'd said enough. The way Jack looked at him was going to make him lose it.

"Sometimes dreams are comforting, Bud," Jack responded reassuringly.

' _So are best friends_ ,' Mac thought to himself.

They spent the day working on the dock. The air was cool and there was a breeze blowing gently over the lake. One of the pilings under the deck was crooked and they had to devise a plan to fix the support. Jack used a post hole digger to dig into the firm soil under the silt. When it was deep enough, Mac went down under the water with a smaller diameter pole, fixing it into place next to the piling and Jack drove it in so it was straight. Mac drove pins into the pre-cut holes in each timber and lashed the two together with thick steel cable, effectively bringing the old and crooked pole into line. He was still in the water, when he looked up at Jack, seeing him bent down to measure for the new boards. He smiled mischievously as he reached up and grabbed Jack's arm, pulling him into the lake!

"Whoah!" Jack yelled as he fell, splashing in next to Mac. "You little brat! You just wait, Buddy; Payback! You know what they say about payback, Man!" Jack pulled himself out of the water, reaching the bank and stretching out, laughing.

"Got you, Old Man!" Mac called "That was too easy!" He stood and pushed the wet blond hair out of his face, joining the older man on the bank. After a few minutes, he realized he was wet, cold, and hungry. "I think we need to go get cleaned up and have a snack."

Jack nodded, still sniggering at the prank that Mac had successfully pulled off. He thought he must be losing his touch to fall for that! They got up slowly and made their way to the house.

While Jack was in the bathroom getting cleaned up and changed, he texted Matty to let her know he still wasn't sure how ready they'd be for regular work after this week, but he'd give it another day or so and get back to her.

That night, as they sat watching TV, Jack observed his friend covertly, noticing that he seemed tense and couldn't settle down. He shifted positions, got up and down for no reason, nervously swiped his hands through his hair. Jack came out to the living room with his own pillow and blanket as Mac was ready to settle on the couch for the night. Jack sat in the same spot, where he had ended up the night before, placing a pillow on his lap and turning the TV back on. He arranged a blanket over himself and settled in for the night without a word,.

Mac stared at him curiously, the smallest of smirks on his lips. "What are you _doing_ , Jack? I was just going to sleep there."

"Well, I ain't stoppin' you, Man, go for it!" Jack quirked a smile at his young friend and looked back to the TV. "Come on and settle in, Bud."

"What? Jack, I'm not going to sleep on the couch… _with you_! Why don't you go in and sleep in a bed?" Mac railed.

"Why don't _you_?" Jack challenged playfully. ' _Touche'_! _One for old Jack!'_ he thought to himself!

"Because…I…I'll sleep better here, and I won't wake you up…" Then, Mac realized that he had, in fact, woken Jack up for the last two nights. Jack stared at him, grinning. "I mean, I don't _want_ to wake you up, Jack."

Jack purposely softened his voice and forced the smile off his face. "I know, Bud, but you know you'll sleep better if I'm here, and so will I, so just lie down and put your head here." Jack patted the pillow. "It's ok, really. It's just us here. I want you to get some sleep… _okay_?" Jack implored.

Mac stood there quietly, debating with himself. Finally, he sat, resignedly on the couch, and lay down next to Jack, pulling up the blanket and resting his head on the pillow. After a few minutes, Jack was engrossed in another old movie, and Mac practically whispered, "Thanks, Jack."

"Your welcome. Close your eyes, ok? I'm here," Jack reassured, giving Mac's hair a tussle. Mac swatted at his hand grumpily. He looked over moments later and Mac was sound asleep. He looked relaxed and Jack took it for the win that it was. Maybe the kid would sleep peacefully tonight.

 _Mac looked down at Nikki, lying in his arms. He held her close as his breathing evened out and his heart rate slowly returned to normal. She lay her head on his chest, running her fingers over his skin, giggling when he pulled away, his flesh still ticklish and sensitive. He kissed the top of her head. He couldn't get the image out of his mind of her locking eyes with him during their lovemaking. It had taken a long time to be able to do that, and a lot of encouragement from Nikki._

" _Look at me," she had pleaded._

 _It had been hard to meet her eyes as he lost all control. The intimacy was too overwhelming. Now, it seemed like she could see into his soul and for once, maybe for the first time in a long time, he realized he didn't mind being vulnerable with her. The feeling made him a little shy and giddy, but his love for her was so strong, the trust so unshakable, that once he looked at her, he couldn't look away. The feeling of lying next to her, naked, was luxurious and he rolled to face her, stretching, grinning. "I love you," he whispered._

 _Nikki's face held a mixture of emotions Mac couldn't quite decipher. She smiled playfully at him and pushed him onto his stomach, reaching for the massage oil and straddling his hips to apply it to his back. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensual things her touch did to him. She stopped massaging for a moment, maybe a moment too long, causing Mac to turn and look over his shoulder at her. Her faced morphed into a wicked expression and, in her hand, she held a large knife poised over his back, ready to strike!_

" _NO!" he screamed, holding up a hand and rolling over quickly, dislodging her from his back. Nikki fell to the floor, knife still in hand and Mac landed on top of her, struggling with her for the weapon. "Nikki, please! What are you doing? STOP!" She reached the knife between them, using her free hand to hold Mac off of her as she tried to turn the knife toward him. Suddenly her hand slipped, causing Mac to crash down on her, the blade sinking deep into her chest._

 _Mac screamed as the blood poured from her and the shocked look in her eyes was replaced by the blank stare of death. "NO! Nikki! Noooo!"_

Jack was startled awake by the thrashing and the screams coming from the kid who was previously sleeping quietly next to him. He reached for Mac, but the kid jumped to a sitting position, his chest heaving, trying to get a breath, his face red and sweat pouring from him.

"Easy, Easy! Mac!" Jack tried, but his friend didn't seem to hear him. Jack crouched in front of him, placing a hand on his cheek and trying to get the kid to focus on him and meet his eyes. "C'mon, Man, breathe. You were just dreaming. You're ok." When that had no effect, Jack pulled MacGyver to him splaying his hands across his back and urged him quietly by his ear, "Breathe with me, ok? In…out…in…that's right, come on, that's it." Jack kept up the reassurances as Mac's arms finally came up and locked around his neck and held on, as his breathing evened out. Jack waited as the fear gave way to heart-wrenching sobs, but as the kid realized he was awake and clinging to Jack, he let go, sitting back and wiping his face with his palms.

"I'm…I'm sorry, Jack. Sorry. I.." Mac stammered, trying to force himself to recover quickly.

"You were hav'in one hellova nightmare. You ok now?" Jack got up and sat next to MacGyver, turning sideways to face him. "Ok, Buddy," Jack said seriously, "I've been patient and I've given you space, but this has got to stop, Man."

Mac sat on the couch, hugging a pillow to himself, staring at the floor. He glanced over to see Jack's face and silently shot him a half-hearted glare.

Jack got up and got a glass of water and sat down, handed it to the kid and tried to make eye contact. When that didn't work, he proceded anyway, "I want you to tell me what that was about. Now." Jack's tone, while kind, didn't leave room for refusal.

Mac's mind flashed to the earlier part of the dream and got caught up in it for a few moments. Startling back to the present, he inwardly groaned at his physical " _enthusiasm_ " for the memory of it. He shook his head a bit, as if to shake off the feeling of Nikki, and hugged the pillow tighter, making sure he wouldn't be further embarrassed until that particular sensation passed. When the rest of the dream flashed through his mind, he heard himself gasp. He looked at Jack momentarily, but his friend was still waiting for an explanation.

"I was dreaming about Nikki."

"I gathered," Jack nodded.

"At first, we were…um… _together_ …you know…" and he glanced at Jack to see if he'd gotten his meaning and hoped he didn't have to explain that part.

The flush creeping up the kid's face said it all. "Ok, but those were not the kind of happy noises I'd expect for _that_ particular kind of dream, so what happened?" Jack probed gently.

"She pulled a freakin' knife on me and tried to stab me! We struggled. The knife went into her chest and she died," Mac said dryly, intentionally leaving out any emotional component of the dream.

Jack felt helpless to get much more out of him. He knew there was a huge well of betrayal and terror in that dream, but the kid wouldn't give. He just wouldn't crack. Jack shook his head sadly, "Ok, Kid, I know you and you are leaving out all the important stuff, like how you _felt_. Do you want to tell me what it was really about? Cause I'm here to listen. But for me to listen, you gotta talk."

Mac thought about that a minute, barely a minute. He just couldn't. It was bad enough he had been a sobbing mess when he woke up. He counted it a win that he could pull it together at all. "Do you want to go for a run, Jack?" Mac countered.

"Now? In the dark? Well, ok although we'll probably fall in a hole and break an ankle, but, sure. We can go out toward the road and I'll bring a flashlight. Just a short one ok?" ' _Walls back up_ ,' Jack thought sadly.

When they returned from the run, it was about 3 am and Jack was exhausted. He'd had only a few hours of sleep after a long day of work and the emotional toll of taking care of his partner was catching up with him. Mac went in to take a shower and Jack waited at the kitchen table, chugging a bottle of water. He was trying to figure how they could both get some rest when he heard Mac gagging. He ran to the bathroom door and knocked a few times, calling as he did so. "Mac! You ok? I'm comin in!" Jack burst through the door, coming to kneel next to Mac, who was holding onto the toilet, vomiting. He was still damp from the shower and only had had time to put on boxer briefs and a tee shirt. The heaves kept coming and Jack felt helpless in the face of his friend's misery. He reached around him and held his abdomen with one hand and his forehead with the other, supporting him. "Easy, Buddy. There can't be anything left now. Try to take some breaths and relax."

Mac could hear Jack, as he involuntarily dry heaved, felt his partner's arms around him. It occurred to him on some level, that what he felt was an odd mix of humiliation and gratitude. As the spasms stopped and his muscles gave up, he collapsed to the side of the toilet, Jack's arm catching him and supporting him as he felt his body being eased down on his side. He felt his head on Jack's leg and heard the water run and then a sudden coolness on his forehead as the wet cloth contacted his flushed skin. He felt himself fading into unconsciousness and didn't have the will or the energy to fight it.

Jack washed the sweat and vomit off of his unconscious partner's face with a cool cloth, but when that and lying flat didn't cause Mac to awaken, Jack's concern amped up. He realized that exhaustion had just won over and taken the kid from a dead faint to sound asleep. He sat for a minute, observing his sleeping-and finally peaceful—friend. He really didn't want to wake him and take a chance on him vomiting again. He also didn't want to leave him on the cold hard floor, so Jack moved to his friend's side and slid an arm beneath his shoulders and the other under his knees and lifted him into his arms. He carried him onto the bedroom deposited him into the far bed, by the wall, and covered him with a spare blanket.

When Mac awoke, he was confused to find himself in a bed. He turned his head to look around and noticed the bedroom furniture had been moved. The nightstand was on the other side of the room with a dim lamp lit. The second bed was only a foot or two away from the one he was lying on. And there was Jack, reading a magazine and sipping a beer, looking relaxed, like nothing had happened.

"Jack?" Mac rolled to his side to look at him. Jack looked over at him and grinned.

"There you are! Thought you might just sleep through, but it's probably good you got up. You're probably a few quarts low. How about some water, Bud?"

Mac nodded, running his tongue around his mouth and making a face. "Want to brush my teeth, too. That was gross. Sorry." His eyes didn't quite meet Jack's, but thankfully, Jack was already off the bed and going to the cooler for a water bottle. He pushed himself to the edge of the bed and sat up, a wave of nausea and dizziness hit him, causing him to grab the bed on either side to keep upright. By the time Jack came back, it was passing.

"Here you go, Brother, just sip slowly," Jack directed, handing him the water, but noticing that Mac's hands were occupied holding on so he set it down on the floor. "You dizzy? You're a little pale, Partner." Jack propped some pillows up at the headboard and grasped Mac's shoulders, easing him back to recline against them. "Keep your eyes open. It'll make you more dizzy with them closed." Jack instructed as he handed Mac the opened water and pushed it toward his lips.

"Ok, _Dad_!" Mac started, then thought better of teasing Jack, since he actually had been acting more like a dad than anyone else ever had. "I'm ok; no mother-henning necessary. I'll drink. Just got a little dizzy and nauseous," Mac explained with an impatient sigh. He forced a slight smile for Jack's benefit. Then he looked at Jack and asked, "How'd you get me in here? I don't remember anything after puking my guts up. And why did you rearrange the furniture?"

"Look, we both need a good night's sleep…part of a night anyway. I just figured we could both lie down and I could still be close by." Then Jack sat on the other bed, facing Mac. "Are you getting sick or is this just from the stress, the dream, the run, what? Just tell me, ok, cause I'm too tired right now to figure it out. I want to help, but just give me a clue, Man, ok?" Jack ran a hand over his face and the back of his neck in frustration and waited for Mac to respond.

Mac shook his head and looked down at the water bottle, feeling guilty for putting Jack through this. "So, if you're not going to tell me, I have to assume you carried my ass in here, so _that's_ embarrassing. I'm sorry. And, no, I don't think I'm sick. It's just that dream really got to me, plus I was tired and dehydrated. I'll be ok in the morning; really, Jack…and thanks."

"Ok, Man. How about I walk you into the bathroom…slowly… so you can brush your teeth then we get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow you'll feel up to tell'in me more about that dream, OK?" Jack persuaded, as he helped Mac out of bed and guided him by the elbow to the other room.

Mac didn't complain about Jack's proximity, knowing he'd already put the poor guy through hell.

Once he knew Mac was steady, Jack left the bathroom and closed the door, standing outside it…just in case. When the door opened and Mac emerged, Jack silently nodded and walked him back to bed, pulling the covers over him.

"G'night, Kiddo. I'll be right here if you need me." Jack got into his own bed and was asleep when his head hit the pillow.

Mac lay awake for some time, thinking about his most recent nightmare, how real it was, how Nikki's betrayal had broken his heart and made it more difficult than ever for him to express his feelings. He was very aware that they were locked behind a wall that Jack was trying to dismantle. But that couldn't happen. He felt bad about that because the man sleeping in the bed next to his had earned his faith and trust a hundred times over. He trusted Jack. He did. What he didn't trust was that if he lost it, he'd be able to make it back, with or without Jack's help.

The nightmares had to stop. Jack was right about that, and Mac ached to talk about them, to get the weight off his shoulders, but at the same time, he just didn't feel he could. He lay on his side, facing Jack and waited for the sleepless night to pass.


	5. Chapter 4

After breakfast, they were sitting in the living room, having a second coffee. Jack had been pondering the envelope that was practically burning a hole in his pocket. He hadn't found the right time, given Mac's emotional state, to give it to him. The kid had maneuvered out of all Jack's efforts to get through his defenses. Sure, he had opened up a little and talked about his nightmares, but he was still guarded and withdrawn. It had Jack's _Spidey senses_ tingling and he didn't like it one bit. There was more going on and he needed to draw it into the open.

Jack didn't know what the letter contained, so it felt like a wild card, but time was short. So, knowing it was better here, where he could deal with any fall-out, as opposed to when they were back in LA, he pulled the letter out of his pocket. Trying to look like he had just remembered it, he hesitated a moment before giving the folded envelope to Mac. "With all that went on the last few days, I forgot to give this to you. I took it out of the mailbox the day we left."

Mac took it, eyeing his friend suspiciously. He read the return address and stood by the fireplace, leaning his head against his arm on the mantle and staring at the unopened envelope. "It's from Pena's wife," Mac said in a low, gravelly voice. The vivid memory of his EOD training officer's gruesome death assaulted him. He felt the heat and impact as the bomb that claimed Al's life threw Mac across the street, then the sudden ache of loss and the guilt that followed.

Jack went to stand by his friend. "It's not gonna open by itself, Bro," he said quietly.

Mac nodded and opened the letter, looking at two photos that were enclosed. The little girl's face stared back at him, an eerie reminder of her father, the man he couldn't save.

As Mac read the letter, Jack watched the muscles in his jaw work as his expression changed from somber to something darker that Jack couldn't quite decipher.

With a quick huff he stared into the flames, handing the letter and photos to Jack.

Jack shifted his focus, looking from Mac to the contents of the letter. "That's nice, Man; she sent you pictures of her little girl. She's adorable. Looks like her birthday party…"

"Stop, Jack!" Mac interrupted, irritably shoving his hands through his hair. "I shouldn't even get to see those. Al didn't get to see her birthday; why should I?" His eyes were teary and he brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose, turning away from Jack. He just couldn't let his friend see how close he was to losing it, not when he's almost made it through the week. Just another few days and he'd have a break from Jack's watchful eyes. He could curl up in bed…alone… and have his breakdown in peace and quiet. He felt, more than heard, Jack step up behind him…felt his eyes burning into the back of his head.

Jack studied his friend, deciding what to say. "Man, we've been down this road; you know it wasn't your fault. His wife wouldn't send you these pictures if she thought it was gonna tear you up. She obviously doesn't blame you, so…"

Mac wheeled around, "She wasn't there! I know that, technically, it wasn't my fault, Jack, but…" his voice dropped off and he shook his head, swallowing hard.

"But it's easier to blame and punish yourself than just grieve. That's what's going on here and I'm not gonna let you do that to yourself," Jack admonished. Mac turned toward the door, but was suddenly stopped short by Jack's arm blocking his exit, his hand coming to rest next to Mac's face, on the mantle. Startled, MacGyver's eyes flicked from the arm in front of him back to Jack. His expression clouded over, as he angrily shoved against his friend's chest.

Knowing he just blocked the "flight" part of the kid's "fight or flight" response, Jack tried again to get through, "Look, Bud, you holding on to this is killing you! You need to let it go. You're pissed because that's easier to feel than all the pain. Fine! If that'll help, then be pissed at me. Hell, you can even take a swing! C'mon, Bro, let's go!" Jack goaded the younger man.

Mac looked at Jack in disbelief. The pain was still there, but now he was both angry and, if he had to admit, a little afraid of where Jack was pushing him to go. Swallowing his fear, he pushed Jack again, "Leave me alone, Jack. I'm not going to hit you. That's not going to help!"

Jack stepped forward again, inches from his friend's face this time and he took care to keep his voice calm and low.

"What's going to help is if you unload, Brother. You told me once you trusted me with your life, right? You've trusted me and have I ever let you down, Man?" Jack watched as his young friend swallowed hard, his face flushing with emotion.

"Then trust me now, ok? I'm right here and you're hurting. You swallowing this stuff down is what gets you into trouble every time. I don't want you to do that again. I'm right here. Just let it go. I'm _right here,_ " Jack waited for that to sink in. He watched his friend's face, pain and fear just below the surface, as the tears now welled in his eyes.

Mac struggled to hold off the impossible tide of emotions. He looked away, shook his head, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other, crossing his arms in front of his chest, as if trying to defend himself against the inner assault.

Jack reached out and took Mac's shoulders gently, but firmly, pulling him into his arms.

Mac's posture stiffened, "Jack, please, I…I can't. Please stop," he choked out, as he struggled against his friend's strong hold.

Jack held on to him securely, knowing full well that this was about more than Pena's tragic death. Much, much more. "You can. You need to, Brother. Its ok; I'll be here," Jack reassured.

Suddenly, something inside Mac broke. He didn't know what happened. One minute he was resisting Jack. The next, he was holding onto him for dear life. He heard a sob escape and realized his face was hot and wet.

Jack held him, putting a hand behind MacGyver's neck and pulling his face into the crook of his neck and shoulder. He finally felt him, reluctantly give in to the sobs, his shoulders shaking with the tremors coursing through him. The more he fell apart, the tighter Jack held on. He whispered soothingly, "I gotcha, kid; you're ok; just let it all go; I'm here. Just let me help you, Bud. Please."

Mac felt his knees weaken. He started to sink down, but Jack held him up and encouraged him back toward the couch.

Jack sat down next to him, his arms securely around him, tucking his friend's head under his chin. They sat like that a long while.

Still, even after MacGyver pulled away from Jack and sat up, the tears flowed uncontrollably. Mac felt like it would never stop as his thoughts kept returning to his own father and how he…He put his hands up to his face and groaned, "What's wrong with me? I can't pull it together, Jack…it won't… stop!"

Jack's face clouded with emotion. Now a little distressed that Mac was still so upset, he second-guessed the wisdom in getting his friend to open up. Leaning in, he whispered, "It's ok, Buddy. I'm not go'in anywhere." He reached out and stroked the hair away from Mac's forehead. Feeling the heat radiating off Mac's flushed face, he moved to the kitchen and got a clean cloth and wet it with cool water. When he reclaimed his seat next to Mac, he pressed it against his forehead and cheeks to cool him a little. Surprisingly, Mac closed his eyes and allowed it. "You want to talk about it?" Jack encouraged softly.

Mac was trying to regain some control, taking big gulps of air and his chest still heaving, but the crying was intermittent. "I feel like…it's unfair…that I get to…see her birthday…and he never would have…left her…not on purpose… not like…" He stopped, sobbing again.

Jack nodded his understanding, now that the other issue causing the turmoil had revealed itself. "You mean not like your old man, right, Bro? Is that what you mean?" Jack asked gently, pulling Mac harder into his side. But Mac was clearly past words, at this point. Jack had a few moments of doubt, not sure how far he should push Mac and how he'd react, but then he made his decision and went with his gut.

Jack reached over for a few pillows and placed them on his lap. He patted them, motioning for Mac to settle himself there. When he didn't move or seem to get the idea, Jack wrapped his arms around his friend and turned him, pulling him sideways and settling him against the pillows, physically situating Mac so he was almost in his lap.

Mac protested, the very idea of sitting in Jack's lap was nothing less than mortifying. "Jack, I'm a grown man! I shouldn't…I can't…I'm _not_ gonna… _What_?..." he cried indignantly. He pushed against Jack, thrashing against his hold, but quickly exhausted any strength or will to fight against his only source of comfort.

Jack felt the storm raging within MacGyver. But having decided to do what he thought the kid needed, despite the fact that there might be hell to pay when the young man recovered himself, he held on, pulling Mac's head to his shoulder, and cradling him against his chest. He shushed him quietly and began rocking him.

Mac leaned in as his emotions seemed to take on a life of their own, and he buried his face in Jack's shoulder, the only shelter he could find. He gulped in air, trying to get back some control, but he felt like the more he fought against it, the harder the intense feelings slammed him. The sensation of being held and rocked took him back to his childhood until he finally had no choice but to just give into it, letting himself be soothed for the first time in years.

"Shhhh, I've got you. You're ok. Close your eyes and just rest, Bud. Just rest," Jack soothed. Finally, the tears stopped and the shuddering that coursed through him slowed down, an occasional sob still breaking through. As the maelstrom receded, Jack felt the kid's body relax. It must have taken the better part of an hour, but he finally fell asleep, still cradled in Jack's arms.

Once he was sure he was sleeping soundly, Jack shifted himself over so Mac was lying on the couch next to him with his head on a pillow in Jack's lap. Jack pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and covered him. His hand absently carded through the blonde hair as he reached for the remote and propped his feet up on the coffee table, intent on staying to ward off any further attacks from nightmares that the kid's subconscious might generate.

Mac slept on the couch for several hours as Jack kept watch. When he stirred, Jack was ready. He placed a hand on Mac's head, pushing his hair gently away from his face.

Mac opened his eyes and pulled his head away from the touch, startled. He sat up, getting his bearings, glancing only slightly at Jack, who handed him a glass of water and turned to face his young friend. He opened his mouth to speak, but Mac stood, turning one way and then the other, as if he wanted to bolt, but didn't know where to go.

"Sit down, Mac," Jack said firmly. When his partner didn't seem to hear him, he tried again, "MAC! Sit down, Buddy." Jack patted the sofa cushion next to him. "We're gonna have a talk." Mac's gaze, was at first scared, then clouded over.

"Bathroom, Jack. Be right back." Mac took longer than necessary in the bathroom. He did what he had to, then stood in front of the sink and mirror, splashing water on his face. A warm flush crawled up his neck as he remembered his recent breakdown . He didn't know what to do from here. He had acted like a little kid in the arms of his…. _Dad_. He knew Jack would never admonish him for it, but how was he supposed to recover from _that_? He was a mess and now Jack wanted to _talk about it_? He was certain he'd break down all over again. He didn't feel like he had a firm grip on his emotions yet. His limbs were shaky; tears threatened just at the memory of being held.

Mac had to admit, even to himself, that being held and comforted was the most secure he'd felt in a long time. The rocking and cuddling part felt a little strange and he was more than uncomfortable with it. He looked at the door and took a big breath to steel himself. Mac's steps felt heavy to him as he made his way back to the couch and sat next to Jack.

Jack was still on the couch, although he had gotten up and made coffee and there were two steaming cups on the table in front of the couch. Jack motioned for Mac to take his. Jack leaned in towards his friend and began, "I know you're probably feeling weird about last night. I just want you to know it's ok. And I know you weren't just letting loose about Pena. That was a build up of all the nightmares you've been having." Jack let that hang in the air and waited to see what his partner would reveal.

"Jack. I…don't even know where to start. I was totally wrecked, and I guess it was more than just the letter. I can't believe…"

"That you fell apart? Why? That's been a long time com'in, Bud." Jack reached over and put a hand on Mac's shoulder.

"Why is it you think you have to handle everything by yourself, Man? No one else thinks you should have to. I know you feel like it's personal, but what if we were on the battlefield and one of us had a physical injury? Wouldn't we take care of it?"

"Of course, but we aren't on the battlefield, Jack!"

"How is it different if the injury is in your mind instead of in your body? It's you and me, Brother. If you need me, I'm there. It's that simple. There's no need for embarrassment. We've both seen each other at our worst: wounded, bleeding, in pain, vulnerable. We're partners; we rely on each other, right?" Mac nodded.

"We do, but…"

"No 'buts' brother. If you trust me with your life, then that's it. I get that you are uncomfortable with me giv'in you some comfort, but if you're in pain, I'm gonna do what has to be done. Got it?" Jack argued effectively.

Mac gave one of his barely perceptible nods, and smiled, shaking his head.

"You know that goes both ways, Man, but this was way above and beyond. I don't want to make a habit of you _rocking me to sleep_. God, it feels _so_ weird saying that!" Mac rested his elbows on his knees and put his head down in his hands. "It's just that I've been feeling overwhelmed by these nightmares and not sleeping well for a long time."

Mac decided to try to explain as best he could without losing it again. He owed Jack that.

"Since Nikki, everything has felt off balance. I guess you know, or suspected, how deep that betrayal was for me. All the losses I've had, all the betrayals, and now this psycho trying to tell me he knows stuff about my dad…it plays out in front of my eyes every night. I'm not sleeping. I keep trying to…to put it…" Mac stopped, trying to think of the words.

"Compartmentalize it?" Jack supplied.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You do that well. I don't think it's working for you now, though. Look, I'm no therapist, but I think you've got to talk about this stuff, and not just the facts of what happened, but how you feel about it. Last night, you finally got down to how you felt about Pena and your dad. Maybe you need to work some of it through with a therapist. I mean, they're not going to be as touchy feely as ole Jack, here, but they have their place!" Jack said, ending on a lighter note that he hoped the kid would appreciate.

"I don't know," Mac shook his head and sat back on the couch, staring at the ceiling. "Maybe, but that would be harder than talking to you," he said quietly.

"Do you _want_ to talk to me, Man? Cause I'm up for it anytime. Do you want to just tell me more about that last nightmare? It seemed like it was the worst and.." Jack stopped as Mac shook his head.

"I can't, Jack, it's way too… _personal_ ," Mac tried to explain. Thankfully, Jack seemed to understand and nodded.

"Bro, I'm not asking you to talk about the _sex_ part," he watched Mac's face flush as he physically cringed, but Jack forged on, "just about how you _felt,_ the betrayal part. I'm sure the… _intimacy_ …was just the reason why the betrayal hurt so much; am I right?" Jack prodded.

Mac turned his head to look at his friend, eyes wide, wondering how Jack did it. Again, he got the feeling that the man could see into his soul.

"Yes, you _are_ right, but …?"

"Dude, I have not gotten to the wise age I am without being involved before. The break-ups that hurt the most were with the women I felt the most intimate with," Jack revealed.

"It wasn't the sex. Well, it was, but it was that she really got past all the walls I had built up. I finally could really be myself, then-well, you know." Mac stared at the floor.

"Are we still talkin about the dream, there, Bro?" Jack asked gently.

"Well, except for the knife part, there's not much difference between the dream and reality, I guess. I just feel… _used_ , you know? She saw the part of me that I'd kept the most under wraps and made me reveal it, then used it against me. I'm so stupid," Mac felt a stray tear slip down his cheek and angrily brushed it away.

Jack edged a little closer and put his arm around the kid's shoulders.

"Stupid is not a word I'd ever use to describe you, my friend. You have a huge heart and you let yourself be vulnerable and got hurt…badly. But you can't change who you are. I hope you never try to, Man."

Mac suddenly felt so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open. Plus, he started to feel tears stinging again. He brought the heels of his hands up to rub them.

"Jack?"

"Yeah, Buddy?"

"I'm just so freak'in tired," Mac murmured, leaning slightly into Jack's side.

"How about you just lie back down and close your eyes a little longer, then, ok?" Jack grabbed a pillow and placed it on his lap, then pulled Mac by the arm to get him to put his head down. This time, he offered no resistance. Mac just folded into the couch and put his head on the pillow and closed his eyes.

"That's it, Buddy, just get some rest." Jack reached out and lightly rubbed circles on his upper back.

"Thanks, Jack," Mac whispered.

Jack closed his eyes in relief as he felt Mac start to relax. He let his hand lay lightly on the kid's head, running his fingers through the blonde hair. Moments later, Mac was asleep. Jack smiled to himself. " _Walls down…finally,"_ he thought, as he drifted off himself.

Both men stirred in the early afternoon. Jack reached behind his head to stretch and Mac got up and got them both water bottles. For reasons he couldn't exactly grasp, he didn't want to sit anywhere else, so sat down next to Jack again, handing him the water.

"Thanks, Man, that felt good! I needed that nap and I know you did," Jack said with a yawn.

"I did. I don't know how long I'd have to sleep to make up for all the nights I haven't. Well, technically, that's not possible. You can never actually…"

"It's ok, I know what you mean, Bud," Jack interrupted with a smile. "How 'bout we fish the rest of the afternoon? We're mostly done the all the work, except for some cleaning up in here. What'da ya say?"

Mac had been happy to just hang out and fish on the lake. He needed some peace and quiet and time for his emotions to even out. He enjoyed being out in the boat with Jack and at first, their conversation was fairly normal and relaxed.

He glanced at his friend from time to time, a little concerned that the older man was more quiet than usual and looked a little distant. Maybe he was thinking about his dad, Mac thought, so he didn't push.

Finally Jack spoke up. "Mac, I've been thinking about something that I've wanted to say since the second night here. I wasn't going to mention it, but I've really encouraged you to be honest about how you feel, so I should too, right?"

"Of course, Jack. What is it?" Mac was curious now. Had he done something to upset Jack or had he just been too much trouble while he was here? Jack wanted a quiet fishing trip and had ended up taking care of his wrecked friend and…

"First of all, stop that. Stop worrying it's something you did!" Jack admonished lightly. "It's nothing like that. The dream you had about how your dad came in your room one night after your mom died?" Jack looked at Mac then to gauge his reaction.

"Yeah, I remember."

"While you were dreaming, you were murmuring a little, and I know you didn't know it was me, but you called me _Dad_ and asked me not to leave. At least I felt like you were talking to me."

"I…uh...I'm sorry. I didn't know," Mac stammered, feeling self-conscious.

"You don't have to be sorry about that, Man," Jack reassured quietly. "I didn't mind. It felt kind of nice, actually. It got me to thinking that _if I were_ your dad, things would have been different. I don't know what reason your dad could've had for leaving, Kid, but I know it wasn't because of anything his amazing 12 yr old genius did. It just kills me that you probably thought you did something to deserve that."

Jack glanced at Mac, who was swallowing hard, his jaw working convulsively, with fresh tears in his eyes. Jack reached out and patted the kid's knee and continued.

"Anyway, I know we think of each other as family, even brothers, but I would have been…would be…proud to be your dad any day of the week. I just wanted you to know that. You don't have to feel the same. I just…" Jack sniffed a little and wiped his eyes with his hand.

"I do, Jack," Mac managed through the tightness in his throat. "Thank you for telling me that. You've earned the right over and over for me to think of you as a dad. I guess it's a little complicated. Sometimes we're friends, partners, brothers, but always family, Jack. I don't care how we define it, but just so you know that if I had a choice of fathers, you'd be at the top of that list…ok?" The older man managed a nod. "I'd come over there and hug you, Big Guy, but I think we'd both end up in the water!" Mac tried with a small smile.

"Yeah, let's don't do that right now!" Jack laughed.


	6. Chapter 5

That night, Mac slept peacefully the whole night, in bed. Jack had kept his bed a few feet away, just in case, but was pleased to wake up to the smell of pancakes and coffee. He made his way out to the kitchen and Mac glanced up with a smile.

"Morn'in Old Man! Thought you might like some pancakes this morning so we can get an early start with the last of the chores around here." Mac sounded bright and cheerful.

"Well, if you were up during the night, I didn't hear you. I slept soundly," Jack yawned.

"I slept all night. No nightmares! Feels good, although honestly I feel like I could sleep for a week. But, I got up to go to the bathroom and then I started feeling hungry and thinking about Bozer's pancakes. So, here you have them. I brought the mix from home." Mac served up a steaming stack onto each of their plates.

Jack saw the coffee was done and poured it.

"Dude, this is perfect! Thanks for do'in this! I _love_ Bozer's pancakes!" Jack dug in enthusiastically.

Jack stepped out after breakfast to call Matty. He stood out by the car, staring at the lake.

"What's up, Dalton?" Matty's voice came over the line in typical fashion. No 'hello's' just down to business. "How's our boy?"

"Good, Matty. We're _both_ good! Thank you for ask'in." he added jovially. "I just wanted to say I think after another day or two, we'll be heading back and things are looking good if you need us next week."

"You're sure he's up to coming back? How's he acting? Any red flags?"

Matty sounded concerned, if Jack had to guess.

"He's good, Boss. He's had a chance to de-stress and he's sleeping better, too. I'll let you know if anything changes, but I'm callin' you because I'm fairly confident in saying we'll be ok to work next week." Jack finished his call and turned to walk back to the cabin, but came up short when he almost ran into Mac. One look at the hurt and anger on the kid's face, and Jack knew this would be bad.

"Jack?" Mac's voice was strained, as he kept it under tight control when he spoke. "What did you do, Jack?"

"I was just callin' Matty. She asked me to check in and…"

"Did you set this all up; this whole week away?" Mac's voice was low and had a menacing quality to it that made Jack nervous.

Jack swore silently to himself. The kid was really pissed, and if that was all, Jack knew he could get past that easily enough, but the pain that shone in the kid's eyes was nearly Jack's undoing. He cleared his throat and started to explain. "Well, I asked her for some time off and then she noticed we hadn't taken enough days, so it was good timing," Jack tried.

"Jack, I…you…I _trusted_ you! What did you tell Matty about me?" Mac's voice was raised and shaking now.

"Now, hold on, Man. I didn't tell her anything except that I was worried about you and thought you could do with some time away, that you were maybe not getting enough sleep. I didn't tell her anything personal; I swear!" Jack was getting worked up too. This was perfect, he thought to himself. Now, after working so hard for the kid to trust him, this was going to ruin it!

Mac looked at the ground, tears starting to form. He angrily scrubbed them away. "Jack, you had NO RIGHT! Maybe now she's got a reason to question my competence, my ability to do my DAMN JOB!" He couldn't help the tremors that raced through him, trying to tamp down the anger and hurt.

Jack took a step closer to Mac and felt like he got socked in the gut when Mac reflexively took a step back.

"Look, Mac…" and when Mac started to turn away, Jack grabbed his arm and swung him around, almost expecting to have to duck under a swing, but Mac held his clenched hands at his sides and wouldn't meet Jack's eyes.

"Mac! Do you really think that you were fit for the job this week? You were exhausted, irritable, and distracted. Man, I had every _reason_ to be concerned about you! You could have gotten yourself or one of us killed on a mission in that state of mind! I only called her to tell her you were good and we'd be back on Monday! I know I didn't tell you I asked on your behalf. Now, I _am_ sorry, but I needed to get you away for a few days and if I told you, well, you know." Jack looked down, kicked at the dirt, waiting for his partner's reaction.

"I wouldn't have come with you," Mac said quietly, "but, couldn't you have just asked for the week without telling her you were _concerned_ about me? She's going to want an explanation now! What am I going to say to her? It should have been _MY_ decision, Jack, not yours!" Mac paced angrily in front of the car. He felt betrayed…again, and when he looked at his partner's face, he knew that Jack realized it too. Still, he was shaking with anger and couldn't bear to hash through it with Jack right then. He turned and stalked back inside, heading for the bedroom and slamming the door. He lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, willing himself to calm down.

Mac wanted to accuse Jack of acting like his father, but he knew he wouldn't resort to that low blow. After all, he thought, Jack might have crossed a line, but he _was_ right and he had been very father-like this week and not in a bad way. His anger started to subside, and when Jack knocked and let himself into the room, Mac met his eyes.

"I don't know what to say, Mac. I'm sorry if I overstepped, but I really didn't know how to approach it with you and I did feel bad going to talk to Matty, but I really was worried about you. I know you think I take watching your back too seriously sometimes but I can't help it. I couldn't stand it if something happened to you because I didn't try to help. I shoulda talked to you and tried to get you to listen. I'm really sor…"

"Stop!" Mac cut him off, but not with any real heat. He didn't want Jack feeling guilty. "It's ok, Man, just please don't make any more decisions for me, ok? It makes me feel like such a kid," Mac admitted sullenly, realizing then that going to his room and slamming the door might have only strengthened that perception.

Jack shifted nervously, "Alright, I will try. Now please, quit lookin' at me like you're gonna kill me in my sleep, ok?" Mac huffed a small laugh, a barely- there grin creeping into his features. "So, are we good or did I just ruin the whole week?"

"We're good, and 'no' you didn't ruin the week. You were right. I needed the time away. I needed…well, I needed to deal with the nightmares and you helped…. really. So thank you for that," Mac reassured his friend as best he could, then he stood and went to Jack and put his arm around Jack's shoulders and pulled him into a hug, which the older man returned gratefully.

Then Jack had an idea. "Hey, what do you say we drive up the lake to the water ski-doo rental place and take a few out for a couple hours?"

Mac's face lit up. "Hold on… they have that here? Count me in on that!"

Back at the cabin, they both nodded off in front of the TV, tired from a day on the water. When Jack awoke, he felt rested and peaceful. He glanced at Mac, who was still asleep, but the color of his skin told Jack the kid would be hurting. Jack promised himself he wouldn't say 'I told you so' and he wouldn't hover. He had warned his fair-complected friend to reapply sunscreen but Mac had just put on a tee shirt and kept going. He hadn't said much else. He got up to get the Tylenol and a bottle of Gatorade and placed them on the coffee table for when the kid woke up. Then he found an old spray can of Solarcaine in the closet and brought that out too.

Mac awoke to the sound of Jack rummaging around the kitchen cabinets. The sting of the sunburn made it's presence known as he tried to move. He felt chilly, nauseous. "What are you doing, Jack?" he groused, looking over the back of the couch towards the kitchen.

"Looking for Earl Gray," he replied distractedly.

"And you think he's in the cabinets?" Mac joked sarcastically. He earned an eye-roll from Jack. "Seriously, Jack, what are you doing?"

"Looking for tea so I can run a bath for you," Jack replied, then realizing that sounded weird, he added "For your sunburn, Man!"

"You think I need a bath? In tea? What?" Mac was honestly amused now, and despite his discomfort, cracked a grin at Jack.

"It's an old remedy. Really is better with Earl Gray, but if we don't have it, regular tea works ok. It's got soothing properties. The tardis from the leaves and the burger bot soothe the sunburn. C'mon, Science Guy, never heard of that before? My mom swore by it and it works," Jack explained a he pulled the Lipton tea bags from a canister.

Mac still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Jack wanted to run a tea bath for him…and that he knew what tannis and _bergamot_ were…sort of. He tilted his head and stared at his friend. "Seriously?"

"Man, you look like a lobster and I'll bet you've got a headache amongst other symptoms. The tylenol's there. I suggest you take some and get started on the Gatorade while I run you a bath. I won't make it too cool since you're shivering already." Jack took off for the bathroom with the tea in his hands and Mac just watched incredulously.

He did have a headache. Mac sat on the couch again and popped a few Tylenol into his hand and swallowed them with a few sips of Gatorade. He pulled off his tee shirt and observed how red his torso was. As a matter of fact, he was red everywhere except where his swim trunks were… _thank God_ , he thought. He heard the tub running and Jack emerged from the bathroom and came in, sitting next to him on the couch.

"Listen, go cool that burn in the tub for about 20 minutes and then we can spray you down with Solarcaine," Jack suggested.

"I've never done this before, but ok, I'll try it… since you're so bossy," Mac managed a grin so Jack wouldn't think he was totally unappreciative. "I think I can spray the stuff on myself, though." He grabbed the Solarcaine and slowly made his way to the bathroom, pulled off his swim trunks, and gently eased his sore body into the tepid tea-colored water. Once he was in, he really felt the burning sensation fade, and he lay back and closed his eyes in relief.

"You ok in there, Man," Jack knocked on the bathroom door, startling MacGyver out of his light sleep.

"Yeah, fine; I dozed off. Be right out." Mac was shivering in the now-cool water. He got up and gingerly patted dry, then put on a clean pair of boxer briefs and gathered the towel around his shoulders, carrying a clean pair of shorts and a tee with him to the bedroom. He picked up the Solarcaine tried to contort himself to spray it on his back, but his skin hurt just stretching, so he finally called to Jack, "You want to spray that stuff on my back?"

Jack came in and sprayed the Solarcaine over the largest area of his back and handed the can to Mac to finish on his own. After coating himself in the stuff, he put on his shorts and tee and lay on the bed, the sunburn making him tired. He pulled a cover over himself and dozed off.

When Jack checked on him, he found his partner sound asleep. He decided it was best to let him rest and wake up to a nice dinner, so he got started right away. He tried to be as quiet as possible in the kitchen, and sliced, diced, and seared his way through preparations of a nice salad, chicken, and baked potatoes. When it was done, he went to wake up Mac.

"Yo! Buddy! You ok?" Jack lightly called from the doorway. Mac groaned and stretched, wincing even before he fully woke up.

"What?" he mumbled, but as he slowly became aware, he smelled the food and sat up, looking at Jack. "You cooked?"

"Sure did! Best dinner we're gonna have this whole trip! C'mon in and enjoy it!" Jack smiled proudly at his accomplishment.

Mac made his way to the kitchen, his mouth watering just from the aroma. The nausea and headache were gone. He still felt stingy and burny, but more hungry than anything. He smiled and nodded at Jack and sat down at the table. "This smells great! Looks great! I'm so hungry!" He dug in eagerly and Jack sat down to do the same, grinning, as his friend seemed to be enjoying the meal so much.

After they cleaned up, they wandered out to the firepit, where they spent the rest of the evening relaxing with a few beers and enjoying the lake and the stars.

When they turned in for the night, Mac headed for the bedroom instead of the couch. He moved the nightstand back to it's spot between the beds and sat on the bed, pulling off his tee. He hissed as the fabric ran over his burnt skin. Jack came in the room then and approached to take a look at Mac's back.

"You're going to blister. I think I have some aloe. If I don't, I can drive to town and…"

Mac held up his hand, smiling a little, "Jack! It's ok. You don't have to drive anywhere. The spray is fine."

Jack nodded but left to look for Aloe or some other suitable sunburn remedy. He came back with an old tub of Noxema. "Look what I found! This stuff is great! If you want, I'll put some on your back but there's enough in here for, you know, your whole body, in this case," Jack grinned at his friend, letting that 'I told ya so' seep into his tone.

"Thanks. I can do it," Mac replied, giving Jack an eyeroll.

Jack handed him the tub so he could get to work applying it, and sat on the other bed facing his friend.

"Are you just going to _watch_? Not creepy at all, Jack!"

Jack chuckled and shook his head, wandering out to the main room. "I'll be out here if you need help, Bud."

Mac smoothed some of the cream on his chest. The cooling sensation made him gasp, then sigh in relief. He applied it everywhere he could reach, but couldn't quite make it to the center of his back. He groaned in dismay at having to ask Jack after he'd insisted on doing it himself.

"Uh, Jack?" he called, "Could you just put some on the middle of my back?"

Jack grinned and shook his head to himself, having just waited on the edge of the couch, for Mac to realize he might need some assistance.

Jack appeared moments later and Mac turned so Jack could apply the cold cream to his back. He kept the 'I told you so' to himself, wincing as he felt the heat of his friend's skin. That had to hurt. When he finished, Mac pulled on a tee shirt, sucking in a breath as the fabric scraped over tender skin.

"So the work's mostly done on the cabin. Tomorrow's Saturday and I just wondered if you want to go home so we have a day there to get anything done before work Monday. Or, we could drive home Sunday; whatever you want to do is ok with me," Jack offered.

Mac considered for a moment. "I think I want to see how I sleep tonight and then decide. What if I have another nightmare? Are you going to tell Matty that I'm not able to work?" Mac asked quietly, avoiding Jack's eyes.

"First of all, I don't think you're going to have a nightmare, but if you do, we'll deal with it. And, if you do, I'd rather you and I decide together what you need to do. If you need more time, you should be honest and tell Matty that, right? Look, I know I gave you a reason not to trust me." Then he added sincerely, "I need to make that up to you."

"And I don't want to give you any reason to go to her behind my back. I promise, if I need more time, I'll tell her, ok? And I do trust you, Jack. You were just trying to help me. It's ok, really. How could I be mad? You took care of me all week. I'd say we're even, but I could never do enough.."

Jack cut him off, "We don't keep score, Mac. We take care of each other. I'd give you a hug, but I think that'd hurt, so…"

Mac laughed and put his hands up, "No! No hugs! Please! Save it til my sunburn's better." Jack nodded and laughed too.

 _Mac was standing in a cemetery, looking at a coffin perched above a deep hole. He sort of knew, but couldn't quite grasp that he'd never see her again. He was holding a strong hand. He felt tears spill over his cheeks, but didn't dare move or make noise. The man squeezed his hand reassuringly then leaned down to dab at his face with a soft, clean handkerchief. "Shhhhh. It's ok, Kiddo. I'm right here. It's ok to feel sad right now." Mac looked up and saw the kind expression. The man knelt down and drew Mac into his arms. He sobbed uncontrollably as he was picked up and carried away from the grave. He felt himself being drawn against a strong chest as he sat in the black GTO with the back door open. He lay his head on the the broad shoulder, tucked under the stubbled chin, and felt soothing circles being drawn on his back and the fingers of the large hand carding through his hair. "Daddy, please don't leave me, young Mac whispered."_

" _I won't, son, I'm stay'in right here," the big man reassured._

Mac sat up, startled out of his dream, tears running down his face. He collected himself as he wiped his face, trying to remember.

"You ok, Kiddo?" Jack woke when Mac startled awake. He waited a second for Mac to get his bearings before speaking. "Another nightmare?"

"No, not really. Just a little bit sad," Mac admitted. "But also kind of nice. _"_

"I guess that's an improvement, then. You want to tell me or are you going back to sleep?" Jack offered.

"Yeah, I think I want to tell you- if that's ok?" Mac tried.

Jack sat up, ready to listen. Mac told him everything he could remember, fighting tears at the memory. When Mac told him that _he_ was his father in the dream, Jack teared up. "Thanks for telling me that, Bud. I'm touched, really. I wish that if I was your dad, I would've been a good one like you made me in your dream."

"You already are, Jack," Mac said quietly.

Fin

 _A/N….Thank you all so much for your comments, follows, faves, and support! This has been a fun experience. I hope to be able to post another story in the near future? Anyone have suggestions?_


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